I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
