your room smells of hookers.
And success
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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