I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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