literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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