He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
