Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
