Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Rumble strips road head = magical
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
