He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
