I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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