Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
