So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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