i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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