I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
