We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
