Sponge bath it is.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The Olympian is in my bed
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize