is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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