If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize