I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
