it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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