So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
