my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
