I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
They have beer where we have blood.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
