Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
