Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
