I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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