i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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