oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
