Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
