Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
