i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
