This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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