I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
