why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
