There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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