Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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