I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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