i think my tv is drunk
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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