I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We had sex on a dog bed..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
