You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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