This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We had to coat check the pizza.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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