he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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