I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
no, he came in my armpit
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
