I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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