Having a random hookup so left but love u
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
