I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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