so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
