No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
