My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
