"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
