I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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