Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
