She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
