if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
