my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
