Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
