well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
