We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
