well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize