Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize