Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
