can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
whose parrot is this?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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