Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
