I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
