My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
