dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They have beer where we have blood.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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