just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
