Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
