I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
