I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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