Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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