he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
