How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
