Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
