It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
