I love black thongs
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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