there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
