Apparently you make a good broom.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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